"Adopting a child won't change the world, but for that child the world will change"
November is National Adoption Month and here at The Danberry Company several families are celebrating the love adoption has brought into their lives. My husband Dan Novotny and I have been a part of the Danberry family for almost ten years now. When the idea of writing a blog to bring light to National Adoption Month came up, I eagerly jumped at the opportunity.
Dan and I never imagined adoption would be part of our vocabulary, but here we are, and it's exhilarating to say the least. I am so thankful that I had the chance to connect with other members of our Danberry family who've been touched by adoption; here are their heartwarming stories.
MY CHILDREN ARE MY BLESSING
Danberry REALTOR® Loreen Banks and her husband, Lewis, spent the first 21 years of their marriage traveling the world and enjoying life-making memories together. When they decided that it was time to start a family, they ran into a lot of fertility problems and even had miscarriages. Loreen tried multiple fertility treatments and even surgery, however it was unsuccessful. She and her husband were undoubtedly devasted that their dream of having their own family was not going to happen.
One day out of the blue Lewis said, "let's adopt!" Loreen was very doubtful that she could raise a child that she did not create and very fearful that a birth mother would come back and reclaim the baby. After much prayer and research Loreen and her husband realized that their fears were just common adoption myths and they decided to move forward with adopting a newborn. They found a wonderful agency that faithfully walked them and their birth mothers through the entire process.
After just 6 months of waiting, a birth mother picked Loreen and her husband to be parents. They had two months before the baby was due and formed a wonderful relationship with the birth mother. When Loreen's daughter Lena was born, she describes it as "the most wonderful, joyful and scariest moments in our lives, but the baby was beautiful and we were blessed to have been chosen to be her paretns." Two years later Loreen and Lewis adopted their son Lewis James through the same agency. She recalls the feeling of unconditional love being the same and they knew that their family was complete. The family had two joyous years together enjoying every minute of their new additions.
In 2015, Lena and Lewis James faced unexpected tragedy when Loreen's husband suddenly passed away. Loreen is truly a hero in my eyes as she takes on each day as a single mother with the utmost compassion and love for her children. She says "I thank God all the time for my children, Lena and Lewis James. It was for them that I had to live. My children are truly my blessing."
STEPPING OUT WITH FAITH
Danberry Design House photographer Craig Magrum and his wife, Gayle, knew early in their marriage that they would not be able to have biological children. They explored fertility options and did a lot of praying. They knew that there were plenty of children in the community that were in need of a forever family. Their faith played a lead role and they knew that, "just as God had adopted us into his family, that He was calling us to model that in our own lives."
When Craig and Gayle made the decision to adopt, the biggest hurdle was the expense. Although one is never paying for the child itself, the fees for an agency, attorney, court costs, social worker, and all other legal fees are astronomical. A famly friend of the Magrums encouraged the couple to look into the Lucas County foster to adopt program. There are no costs when fostering to adopt a child. They did just that and completed the classes to gain their foster parenting license.
Shortly after, Craig and Gayle were able to adopt their first son through the foster to adopt program. When adopting their second son, the foster to adopt route did not feel right to them and this time they worked with a local adoption agency. Through the help of grants and gracious friends and family they were able to afford the adoption of their second son. They truly believe that "God provides when you step out in faith and trust him!"
What the Magrums want others to know about adoption is that one of their fears, that they wouldn't be able to bond with their adopted children and it would be hard psychologically, was simply not true. "When you hold that child in your arms for the first time, that fear vanishes in a puff of smoke." says Craig. They believe that it just takes the step of faith to get out of the comfort zone and trust God to make you a family. Craig and Gayle admit that yes there are challenges that adoptive families have to face that biological families don't, but it is absolutely worth it. There are plenty of support groups and resources out there to help adoptive families over any hurdle that they may encounter. The Magrums would not trade their experience for anything. They say, "We are not super special people that are somehow specially equipped to do this. All it takes is willingness in your heart to reach out and love another human being. We can all do that."
FLOODED WITH EMOTIONS
Kim Dick, also a Danberry REALTOR®, is on the other side of adoption as one who was adopted. Her biological mother was just 16 and seven months pregnant when she heard an ad on the radio for an adoption agency and decided to make the call. Kim's adoptive parents had tried to get pregnant for 14 years before deciding on adoption. When they were matched with Kim's biological mother they were flooded with emotions. "We were so afraid that her birth mom would change her mind and want to keep her. It was exciting but terrifying at the same time. When she was finally placed in my arms and she looked into my eyes, I instantly fell in love and I just knew our family was complete," says Jo Ann Carns, Kim's mother.
Growing up, Kim always knew she was adopted. Her mother would always tell her that God picked her out of all the babies in the world, just for them. The adoption was a closed adoption, which meant absolutley no contact between the birth parents and the adoptive parents and child. Kim never struggled with being adopted until the typical questions started to flood her mind when she was a teenager, like "Why didn't she want me?" and "Why didn't she try to reach out?" These questions led her to locate her birth parents via Facebook when she was 24 years old. Kim fortunately did meet both her birth mother and birth father. She was able to get answers to lifelong questions about the specific circumstances around her adoption, putting her at peace.
Today, Kim is incredibly close with her adoptive parents who are the best grandparents to her four little ones. Adoption has changed her life and is something she is very passionate about to the point where she hopes to adopt herself when the time is right. She is extremely grateful for her adoption and says "I don't ever want to take for granted how blessed I was to find a loving forever home!"
WALKING THE ROAD TOGETHER HAND-IN-HAND
My husband Dan, who will be celebrating his 10th year as a Danberry REALTOR® this spring, and I have been blessed with two beautiful biological daughters, Annabelle and Penelope. When we first found out we were expecting, we were ecstatic that we would soon be parents. Five weeks into the pregnancy that joy turned to much fear as I was suddenly fighting for both my baby's life and mine. I was suddenly vomitting 40+ times a day, unable to eat, drink, walk or even open my eyes as the slightest look around the room made me violently ill. I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I had a PICC line IV placed for the duration of my pregnancy as well as several intravenous pumps to administer meds and help me survive. I battled the Hyperemesis as well as many other complications with both pregnancies and also delivered both babies prematurely due to severe preeclampsia.
With two healthy babies in our arms, Dan and I knew we would not be able to have any more children. Doctors confirmed that another pregnancy would not have a happy ending so we were left exploring other routes if we wanted to have any more children. I spent years researching adoption, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on. This past summer we decided to move forward and signed with an adoption agency. We are currently knee-deep in the paperwork for our home study. I will spare you all the details but the papwerwork is beyond intense. Actually, it puts home-buying paperwork to shame. In a couple of months, we will be "live" to match, meaning a birth mother can choose our family. As much as we are weary and scared of the unknown, we are overwhelming and genuinely overjoyed about what's to come.
The reality is a lot of birth mothers looking to place their child for adoption are facing extreme hardship, including homelessness, substance abuse, incarceration, mental health problems and more. We are going into this with open minds and open hearts that faith and fate will bring us to our baby. The fears of "will it take us years to match?", "what if the birth mother changes her mind after the baby is born, and how will we ever explain that to our daughters?" and many other what-ifs fill our minds. It's natural.
However, we will never know if we don't try, never know the instant feeling of love again when that baby is placed in our arms, never feel what it's like to rock a sweet babe to sleep again after a long day, and never know what it's like to hear the first "mama" and "dada" again. The benefits are, by far, greater than any risk we are taking. We never thought we would be on this road but we are happy to be walking this road together hand-in-hand. Adoption is hard, but as we learn from Loreen, Craig and Kim's stories, adoption is oh so beautiful. For me it comes down to four simple words and I cannot wait to live them out; love makes a family.
#NATIONALADOPTIONMONTH
#LOVEMAKESAFAMILY